What is your vision of the couple? How do you live it?
The first experience we have is the example of our parents, not always very conclusive… Especially since the search for happiness and the work on oneself was not part of their education and even less of their research.
In a world where being sensitive, benevolent, empathetic is almost more considered a handicap than an advantage, it is difficult to focus on oneself without looking like an egotist or an egomaniac.
Yet isn’t this the secret of success?
Our parents’ upbringing builds us as a couple. Whether you were loved too much, or not enough, or badly, or beaten, or incested, whatever you experienced, it is what will build you as a person but also as part of the couple equation.
It is said of a couple that one and one make three, this third entity that constitutes the couple, but what about when deep down you are not even one?
Let me explain.
Have you ever said to yourself or even to your friends that since you met your partner you have never been so happy?
It’s already going badly.
Unconsciously you put the responsibility of your happiness, of your well-being, on the shoulders of the other person. This is where we all go wrong, I was the first one to do it for years and I reproduced the same patterns. As long as I did not understand the lesson of life, I started again and again, stories that did not work.
Each time I fell down, I had to get up again, and each time it was more difficult, with age and the weariness of finding myself in the same situation each time, but I didn’t understand why?
I blamed my companions each time and my mother, who had not been able to give me enough confidence in myself.
Everyone told me that I had to love myself, that I had to gain confidence in myself, but how to do that when you don’t know where to start and how to do it.
And then one day, the wheel turns again with the same situation, separating me from my partner and finding myself almost homeless.
After that, I started to concentrate on myself, to ask myself questions, but above all to tell myself that I had to love myself, to really take care of myself, because only I knew what really made me feel good and what made me happy.
Little by little I built myself up into a whole entity, fully aware of my needs and desires. Loving myself, having confidence in myself and then I met him, my other male self, and our couple works as I always dreamed and as I think many dream.
I don’t ask him to love me, he does it very well, not that he is necessarily stronger than the others, no, no but just that I love myself enough not to ask too much of him. I love myself enough that what he gives me is a cherry on top of my cake. My whole cake, not just a piece like it used to be.
It’s been 10 years, 10 years without a hitch. Disagreements certainly but not arguments, communication and compromise, compromise not concessions, it’s not the same thing.
So to come back to the subject, what is your vision of the couple and how do you live it, I would just like to say:
“Love each other enough and fully, don’t put this burden on your love”.
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